Developing Involvement During Counseling | ACBC Exam Question #26

 Describe how to develop involvement with a counselee.  What is the difference between empathy and involvement?  Is this difference significant?  

“We are most receptive to counsel from those we know are with us and for us.  They can speak frankly about our faults, and though we may be annoyed temporarily, we soon realize they are only trying to help us because they are concerned for us.  On the other hand, if someone whom we perceive as a stranger or an enemy criticizes us, we tend to react defensively and with suspicion about their motives.  In counseling as in any other relationship, we must remember that our impact and influence in people’s lives is usually related to their perception of us.  That is why involvement is so important to the counseling process.  Usually the counseling process is truly effective only when an acceptable level of involvement has been established.”¹

                When it comes to our life issues; we don’t care what people know, unless we know that they care genuinely for us.  A counselor develops involvement through compassion, respect, and sincerity; otherwise a counselee will not open up honestly, nor accept counsel to biblical change. 

                Empathy is a noun meaning “the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.”²  Involvement however is a verb which includes actions of engaging in relationship, it is active, participatory.  Empathy feels sorry for the person whose house burned to the ground, involvement goes to the person, and aids them in their circumstances.  Empathy is emotional, involvement takes the emotion and puts it into supportive action.     

                Counselees need to know that we are investing in an (appropriate) relationship with them.  We can accomplish this by; genuinely caring and telling them (Philippians 1:8), praying for and with them (Colossians 4:12-13), meet physical needs if necessary (1 John 3:17), celebrating good things and grieving as appropriate (Romans 12:15), being gentle (Matthew 12:20), tactful (Proverbs 15:23), gracious (Colossians 4:6), loving and accepting them even when counsel is rejected (Mark 10:21), defending them when accused (Matthew 12:1-7), forgiving them when wronged (Matthew 18:21-22), trusting them (unless facts prove otherwise) (1 Corinthians 13:7). 

                A lot of involvement in counseling can be communicated by non-verbal communication; facing your counselee with an open stance, eye contact, and physical expressions that indicate you are tracking them as they speak (nodding, smiles during good news, etc…).  If a first time counselee comes to my office door, at an arranged meeting time and I am on the phone, or otherwise engaged, and unprepared I have communicated that they are forgotten, not a priority, perhaps even a nuisance (especially if I sigh).  This is not a good start to developing involvement.  We need to consider every opportunity of influence we have on the life of our counselees and be intentional to foster an open, loving environment of trust, respect, and sincerity in our relationships with them.   

¹ “Counseling: How to Counsel Biblically”, John MacArthur,*chapter quoted is authored by Wayne Mack, page 102        ² www.dictionary.com