Outline a comprehensive
counseling program to help a couple develop good communication patterns.
“God-honoring
communication is an area in which we all struggle. Work hard at this biblical discipline, and
the Lord will help you be forebearing, edifying, and loving.”1 In working with a couple I would want to have
another man there (my husband, a pastor, or another counselor) concentrating on
the husband in their counsel, it’s just my preference and conviction about
women leading men (1 Timothy 2:11-15).
Here’s an outline of what I would desire to achieve and how in counseling
a couple on communication. Depending on
responsiveness, and progress I would adjust the model as required.
WEEK #1-Pray to begin-asking God
for help. Praise them for admitting and
issue and seeking counsel. Listen to their story, take comprehensive
notes. Outline the purpose, direction, and
goals of our meetings. Give hope, and
assign them a “Journal of Upsets”-recording any/all confrontation- noting day,
time, how long they last, topic/issue/catalyst, and resolution (if any). Depending on where things are I may ask this
to be a collaborated effort, or individually.
Also assigning “Christ and Your Problems” by Jay Adams to be read 3xs by
each, highlighting the top 5 phrases that impacted them most for next
week. Ask for commitment to the homework. Close in prayer, asking them each to pray as
well.
WEEK #2-Open in prayer. Accountability on homework, reviewing
together the disagreements they encountered and if they responded biblically or
not, and how this could have been dealt with differently. Take over the quotes they highlighted in
“Christ and Your Problems” and seek to apply them to their situation. Using GOD/ME responsibility circles
illustrate how the wife/husband are responsible before God for their own lives,
communication, and interaction with one another. It is not their role to change the other
person (God, Holy Spirit, Word of God does that), we are accountable for how we
respond. Have them read aloud
alternating verses James 3:2-12, and discuss together the weight of our words. Homework-continue “Journal of Upsets”
logging, read Ephesians individually 3xs this week, and bring back 5
verses/statements you desire to live out in your marriage. (I chose the whole book of Ephesians because
I believe knowing who you are in Christ (Chapters 1-3) fuels the Imperatives of
Chapters 4-6). I would also ask them to
go on a date that week, could be a walk in the park, coffee out, whatever…. And
talk about Ephesians together; what they are learning and want to live out from
its’ truths. Close session in
prayer-asking them each to pray.
WEEKS
#3-6 Open in prayer. Accountability on
homework. In-depth discussion of
Scripture reading assigned and how it intersect with
their lives personally. Note and
encourage them on improvements in shortened length of conflicts, biblical
resolutions, etc.
Discussions: Week#3- Verbal Communication Week #4-Non-verbal communication, both weeks discussing their tendencies, each
give input of they would benefit from/prefer (perhaps space to think so they
don’t speak and then regret it, eye contact, commitment not to leave the room
till resolved, etc.) (Ephesians 4:1-3,
25-32, 5:21) Week #5-Conflict Resolution
define Biblical reconciliation; confession of specific wrong, and asking of
forgiveness. The other person hears,
grants them forgiveness, and commits to not holding it against them or bringing
it up in the future. Note importance of
words used, specific actions/words repented of, not generalizations. (Romans 12:14-21, 2 Corinthians 7:9,
Colossians 3:5-19) Week #6-Role
Distinction-Husband servant leader Wife-submission What this looks like in
their home, struggles, practical implications (1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:21-33,
Colossians 3:18-19) Each of these weeks would include homework of; journaling
conflicts, a date, and selected Scriptural reading 3xs bringing back applicable
verses to them personally.
WEEK#7/8
depending on progress, etc… Would be the
final meeting reviewing teaching, encouraging them, and suggesting material
specific to their needs for further study together. Perhaps; “Tying the Knot Tighter”-Martha
Peace & John Crotts, “Building Marriages God’s Way”-Faith Church, “Marriage
Matters”-Winston Smith, “Your Family God’s Way”-Wayne Mack, “A Couple After
God’s Own Heart”J+E George. There are so
many good resources. I would recap for
them progress they've made and encourage them to maintain regular dates
together, the conflict resolution process we have instilled, and offer that we
can always meet again if troubles arise.
Final prayer and “graduation”!
1
“Tying the Knot Tighter”, Martha Peace & John Crotts, page 90
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